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Gay male couples tend to be more politically aware, and even more politically active attending protests, writing letters, attending fundraisers, observing boycotts, making donations than straight couples, because their rights and existence are challenged every day these days with a certain urgency and immediacy that straight couples are generally spared. While this is not necessarily unique to gay men, a big factor can be finding time for sex, when often both partners are busy, high-level executives or professionals who work extraordinarily long hours or have jobs that require frequent travel. So, part of my job in couples counseling is to help gay men understand this, and to avoid making direct comparisons to straight relationships all the time some of the time is OK, particularly in confronting double-standards and internalized homophobia. As I think back on the past 24 years of providing couples counseling for gay male relationships, I sometimes get asked what the differences are that I see in general in gay male relationships that are again, in generaldifferent from straight relationships. Who supervises the gardener? Family — In gay male relationships, the role of one of the male partners in taking care of aging parents can be an issue, similar to straight couples.

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Household Chores — Perhaps surprisingly to a non-clinician, the issue of how to equitably and fairly divide the list of common household chores can be frequent topic in conjoint therapy.

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Men are physically larger than women, so they can go through a lot of alcohol and food at events hence the stories of the first all-gay cruises running out of alcohol on board! Fortunately, for most of the gay couples I have worked with, there have been surprisingly few seriously hostile in-law conflicts. More often, the son-in-law is treated as a full member of the family, which is a nice thing to be able to say about the current times we live in. That just puts an extra stress on the day, in addition to the fact that the Internet service provider is down or that the cat just threw up grass on the carpet. Who changes the light bulbs? Often, making a list and then discussing how to divide it can be a discussion at home, or in session. Gay men of color face a dual challenge in managing social reactions and pressures from being both gay and people of color, and also gender expectations.

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Who mows the lawn? Household Chores — Perhaps surprisingly to a non-clinician, the issue of how to equitably and fairly divide the list of common household chores can be frequent topic in conjoint therapy. There are many potential pressures to face and overcome. Statistically, white men tend to be relatively high earners. Who picks up the dry cleaning?

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